DCT Reader Mail: And So It Begins

Iron Bowl Anxiety is already swallowing the great State of Alabama, even though the annual grudge match between Alabama and Auburn is an arduous eleven days away.  Gregorian Calendar be damned, neither school plays another team before the big game so…it is officially Iron Bowl Week.

Tide fans are high as ever, with visions of oranges dancing in their heads.  Tiger fans are low, poisoned with envy that has been dormant, but still existent nonetheless, for over half a decade.

Your Calendar Is Wrong.  It's Iron Bowl Week.  Hold on to Your Balls.

Your Calendar Is Wrong. It's Iron Bowl Week. Hold on to Your Balls, Motherfuckers.

We’ve been toiling over how to illustrate the disturbing emotions of Iron Bowl Week and how they affect the regular people of the State.  As if Bear and Shug, God rest their souls, wanted to open our eyes and show us that the insanity of Iron Bowl Week is already here, we received a letter (email) Monday night from a DCT reader. The letter describes an episode he experienced at work Monday morning.  

The anecdote comes from a Luc Carroll of Bayou La Batre, Ala., and he assures us his story happened just like he says.  Hopper could not have brushed a painting as brazen as Luc’s letter to illustrate the mortal emotions of Alabama and Auburn fans during Iron Bowl Week.  He included the picture below.  Read on to see why a torn Alabama Crimson Tide vehicle magnet is so, so damn funny.

Wounded Soldier.  Duct tape?  Can duct tape fix a vehicle magnet?  Surely...

"Jesus, Jesse."

The full letter after the jump in its original form, as we received it **WARNING: Vulgar Language**:

Mon., Nov 17, 2008 at 7:10 PM

Lucas Carroll <XXXXXXXXXXX@XXXXX.com>

To: A Drug Called Tradition <drugcalledtradition@gmail.com>

 

Dear Mookie,

My name is Luc Carroll.  I have been enjoying your blog for a few weeks now.  I do not think it is meant to be a blog just for Alabama fans, but judging by your posts, you seem to be the type that may find what I am about to tell you humorous, a little weird, crazy, or all three.  Keep in mind, I work for a company in south Alabama, and my boss, Jesse, is a normal guy usually.  He is an Auburn fan though and graduated from the cow college.  We have gotten along pretty well in the past, even when the conversation turns to football.

The following is a short detail of the scenario that was played out this morning between Jesse and I when I got to work.  After that, I will state some facts that might be relevant as well (over the past few years…you’ll see).

I pull into work and begin bullshitting with Jesse over a cup of coffee, which is what we usually do on Monday mornings.  Just talk about our weekends, go over schedules, plan the week out, etc.  Everything was as normal as it could be.  We started to stroll over to our job site to look at some of the work that took place over the weekend.  A couple of trucks pull in and the guys get out and linger around our trucks waiting for us to walk back over so they can ask us some questions.  

Well, when Jesse and I turn around and start walking back towards our trucks, he notices my Alabama magnet on the back of my truck.  That’s when the shit hit the fan (keep in mind this is a company truck that I drive).

He states, and I quote, What the fuck is this shit?!?!  God-damnit Luc, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are having this bullshit on one of my fucking trucks!”

At this point he is frantically trying to get his fingernails under the magnet to pull it off, still mumbling cuss words that no one standing around, at this point, can understand.  He finally gets a hold of it, pulls it off, rips it in half, and throws it, frisbee-style, at my face.  He continues blistering me about the fact that this is not my truck in front of everyone and continues on his rant.

“If I want to put an Auburn sticker on my truck, I am more than welcome to do so.  I can put one on this truck and make you ride around town with it 365 days a year.  Would you like me to do that?  No one wants to see that fucking pussy Alabama bullshit out here!”  

This is when he started making a lot of sense.

“You fucking shitty, bandwagon Alabama fans…pulling for your state school when you have a good season!”

Now looking at everyone, he says, “I wish y’all motherfuckers would come up to Auburn and see what football really is!”

That’s where it ended.  I simply looked at him, smiled, walked over and picked up my pieces of magnet.

And as he walked away, one our workers said it best:

“Jesus, Jesse.” 

 

Now that you have heard all that, here is a rundown of why I was stunned when he did all that:

1. For two years before this year, during football season, the two of us have been able to sit down and eat lunch and bullshit about college football…until this year.  In those two years, he has fucking dogged Alabama, Nick Savior, etc., while I sit there and commend Auburn on playing good football.  The first mention of college football this year, he will end the conversation with something like, “We’re not talking about it.”

2. Every Monday, he explains to me why we are not as good as we think we are.  I never comment.  I don’t even bring it up to begin with.

3. He told me I was a “bandwagon” fan.  I have had a signed copy of the special edition Sports Illustrated from Alabama’s 1992 national championship with Derrick Lassic on the cover, framed on the bedroom wall of every house I’ve ever lived in since I was 10-years-old.  I have cheered four quarters (or more) for Alabama on television, radio, or in person, every game since I can remember.

I don’t know what has gotten into those Auburn people.  I was not alive in the 60’s and 70’s, but I wonder if this is how they acted back then.

Sincerely,

Luc Carroll

Bayou La Batre, AL

 

And so it begins.

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2 Comments

Filed under Alabama, Auburn, College Football, Iron Bowl, Reader Mail

2 responses to “DCT Reader Mail: And So It Begins

  1. Is Shug trying Kiss that Bar?

  2. Phocion

    Six years of living in fantasyland hasn’t improved their relationship with reality. I see a sharp spike in crystal meth OD’s in the eastern part of the state in the coming weeks.

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