New Leading Candidate in AU Coach Search

DCT RR LogoDCT learned from various reliable sources that Auburn University is now interviewing a surprising contender for its head coaching position, currently vacant after Tommy Tuberville’s firing resignation last week.  Those sources were confirmed to be correct Tuesday night.

Tuberville was told by university officials to “get the hell off this campus before we shove one of your duck-blasting shotguns up your sorry Arkansas ass” resigned peacefully, with no pressure whatsoever.

Only eight days after Tuberville’s exit, Auburn is pulling out all the stops in its quest for a new football coach, and a new leading candidate has emerged.

Cookie MonsterAccording to confirmed reports, the Cookie Monster is now among the leading candidates for Auburn’s head coaching position.

It’s the latest twist in this search excursion – one that has already included serious interviews with Turner Gill, Patrick Nix, and Rodney Garner. Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs and university president Jay Gogue believe they are heading in the right direction.

Jacobs and Gogue arrived back in New York, where they are meeting with other serious candidates, late Tuesday evening following what both described as an “intense” interview with The Cookie Monster.

Jacobs, a former Auburn offensive lineman and current A.D., said he likes Coach Monster’s record and statistics on paper, and that’s what prompted him and Gogue to fly into Sesame Street for the interview on Tue. afternoon.

“I think we really got a feel on Coach Monster…really got an opportunity to get into his head and see what he’s all about,” Jacobs told DCT. “We’re taking a serious, serious look into our options with this guy…he really impresses us.”

Gogue’s comments mirrored those of Jacobs.

“This is not some token interview because Coach Monster is obese…or because he has blue fur or anything,” Gogue promised. “And it’s surely not a ploy to distract people while we hammer out the details of a contract with another candidate.”

Coach Monster did return DCT’s phone call, and he definitely seemed excited about the interest from a big-time program such as Auburn.Oscar the Grouch

After a lengthy explanation of his core football philosophies, the coach vibrantly added, “Me eat cookie!!! Nom nom nom nom!!!”

Keeping with his comment earlier this week that AU will be conducting its search “the right way,” Jacobs contacted Coach Monster’s athletic director, Grover, to receive the go-ahead.

After endorsing the interview, Grover told Jacobs in his classic contraction-less way, “Remember this, Jay, it is very important.  Even if the Board of Trustees makes you an A.D., do not attempt to do anything on your own, especially with the coaches.  Because you cannot do it.  You do not have super powers.  Because there is only one SuperMan at Auburn.  And that is Bobby Lowder.” 

The Cookie Monster’s agent, Oscar the Grouch, declined to comment on Auburn’s serious interest in his client. Nevertheless, put the Cookie Monster at the top of the long list of possible replacements for Tuberville at Auburn. We here at DCT think this candidate may be the one.



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10 responses to “New Leading Candidate in AU Coach Search”

  1. Eor Avatar

    well done

  2. RTRNoVa Avatar

    Please! Even the Cookie Monster would not stoop to this level! Snagglepus! Now that is a coach!

  3. Scrooge McDuck Avatar
    Scrooge McDuck

    There may be only one Superman, but let us not forget Super Mario!

    Fanin is slated to return next year clad in a special uniform tailored specifically to his needs. White overalls with a red undershirt. Unconfirmed rumors state he is now able to spit fireballs and double his size after digesting special developed flora genetically engineered in Auburn.

    The princess is reportedly still in another castle.

  4. New Orleans Ladder Avatar

    You cats are incorrigible!
    Man, I thought LSU Tiger fans had the Devil by the balls but Tradition trumps testicles any day!

    Have y’all ever read the blog: “Our New Orleans Saints”?

    Editilla~New Orleans Ladder

  5. Hey SEC Avatar

    The cookie monster has one hell of an offense but I hear he has a strange affinity for pirates. I just don’t think his personality would fit in at Auburn. What Auburn needs is someone like Calvin, he’s not afraid to piss on anything.

  6. mookie-szpilman Avatar

    Think you’re on to something, SEC. Also, Calvin already enjoys hanging out with Tigers…

  7. BOOM Auburn Tigers! « Third Saturday in Blogtober Avatar

    […] has only interviewed eleventybillion candidates thus far in the search, including the Cookie Monster.  His agent, Oscar the Grouch could not be reached for comment regarding the snub of his client.  […]

  8. Nagana…Nagana… « A DRUG CALLED TRADITION Avatar

    […] So who will be Auburn’s next head coach?  Don’t say we didn’t tell you so. […]

  9. ghostofneyland Avatar

    It’s gonna be John Stamos, I swear.

  10. The Ramgod « A DRUG CALLED TRADITION Avatar

    […] with young, talented, black guys named Rueben/Ruben…and apparently the Studdard variety shares an agent with the Cookie […]

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